Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Don't Wait For It (4/5/17)

I'm turning 17 next month; one more year and one year closer to adulthood. I used to long to be older so I could do things on my own, and now I wish to stay young because I'll have to do things on my own. There's so much confusion, so much uncertainty that I never knew about when I was little, looking up - and there's so much more fear that I might misstep or tumble down the wrong path than I ever dreamed. What if my decisions aren't right? What if I choose something I shouldn't? 

And so I wait. In the stillness. In the silence.

I wait. For something long-expected, but not yet tangible or even describable.  

I wait. For something... but what, I cannot say.

For certainty? Possibly. For assurance? Maybe.

I've searched my heart and realized the truth of the matter (after laying around the house, moping a little, and reading some more Dickens to get me back in a good mood). Truth is, my mindset right now is TOTALLY warped out of shape. Truth is, I'm scared to make a wrong decision as I consider the options before me... so I push them all aside and tell myself later. But I don't intend to look at them later, either. Not really. Truth is... my girlish little heart is striving to push it all aside until the day every girl dreams of arrives and, "I don't have to worry about it anymore."

I can't even say how wrong that thinking is. Like, SO wrong.

I was reminded by a wise friend of mine (who said this, totally unconscious that it related to what I was thinking through), who said, "We should always be trying to become more refined, to learn more, to keep trying to become better as people." He said we should always be striving, that there should never be a time when we are not being refined - that we ourselves are not refining

I can't just wait, sitting here at home and getting by doing only the bare minimum. I can't just put my life on hold while I wait for a day that will not come within the next 3-4 years at least, if ever
In becoming mediocre at many things, I've become great at none. In spreading my interests and ambitions and flinging them to the East and Western winds, I have nothing to hold in my own two hands to show for any of it. There are many things I want to do, but few that I am able. But do I even try, for the most part? If I'm honest, the answer would have to be no.

I've decided I'm not waiting anymore. I'm not going to sit and watch as life passes by so I can meet Prince Charming (or Laurie Lawrence, Gilbert Blythe, Ham Peggoty, Nicholas Nickleby, or Raoul de Chagny, if we're going to be particular) someday in the distant future and life will be perfect. Because it won't. Life is never perfect and I should never expect it to be. But I can try to make my life the best that it can be. I can try to make life better for other people.

Sure, it will never be perfect.

But it can get pretty close sometimes. 

Proverbs 31:25:  
(Taken from Pinterest; all credit to the original artist)

2 comments:

  1. Inspirational! Thank you for such encouragement, You're a real life-saver!

    ReplyDelete