Saturday, March 25, 2017

MMC (3/25/17)

I sighed, rising to take another novel from my shelf. Today had been quiet... too quiet. Now my only option was reading; maybe it would take my mind off of the disconcerting near-silence that had been my day.

I got about one paragraph into the chapter when my mind began to wander. It started slowly, like a child who was still undecided whether to stay and listen to the story or run off and play by themselves. Then I blinked and couldn't remember what I'd just read. 

Lone-ly. Lone-ly. Lone-ly. 
My heartbeat rang in my ears, but I shook it off impatiently. Why should I be lonely? I have so many friends that love and care about me, so many acquaintances that seem to want to know me better. What's to be lonely about?

I started the page over again; this time, I only got a sentence or two in before it happened again. My mind started running over the words...

Lone-ly. Lone-ly. Lone-ly.

This time I slammed the book against my knees in frustration and hissed at my brain to shut up. I needed a distraction... I didn't want to think about the only conversation that I'd had...

Lone-ly. Lone-ly.

My eyes couldn't even see the words anymore. With a angry grunt, I threw the book across the room and took up another one. This endeavor was even more futile. With fingers shaking so badly I couldn't even open the book, it ended up on the floor as well. I crumbled to the floor, my hurt turning to poisoning bitterness instead of aching sadness.

I've been a fool. This whole time, I've been a fool...

And my mind taunted me, one last time:

And to think, you thought they cared.


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