Friday, October 14, 2016

Thoughts of Leading, Part 1 (10/14/16)

Lately I've been thinking a lot more about leadership; although it technically started running through my mind closer to a year ago, the flood tide has risen with a force and come cascading into my thoughts more within the last few months. 

What is a leader? 

What qualifies someone to be a leader? 

How come some people are "born-leaders" and some aren't?

Leader: the person who leads or commands a group, organization, or country.
Leadership: the power or ability/the capacity to lead other people

Recently I was told by people I trust that I have the capability to excel in a leadership role. This is something that I am not used to believing; my whole life, I thought that somehow, for a reason unknown to me, that I was not qualified to be a leader. No matter the circumstances, no matter who the other options were, I was always the worst person present to lead. I can't remember people ever actually telling me that, but my insecurities and distorted self-image completely wrecked any hope that I might have held to be a great leader someday. 

Even if I was standing by and watching someone else take charge and I could see a possible problem, I wouldn't say a word. I was sure that they, in their superior frame of mind, had already noticed it and taken it into consideration and that they would only huff at me and say, "Yes, I know, I know, I already saw it!"
Because it had happened before, more than once. So I assumed that people who were in the process of leading had a very distinct and inevitable position above me, both in the chain of command and in the state of their thinking abilities. They had something that I lacked, so I stood aside and let them do everything. They did the work, they got the credit; everything worked out fairly, right?

But it didn't work out. Not in the right way. I realised around a year ago that I still thought of myself like dirt and it was affecting my whole outlook on life. That deprecating self-image and a deep, aching loneliness helped spur on a period of depression I went through as a young teenager. It kills me to think that other kids go through the same kind of pain I did, simply because they don't have friends who take the time to let them know how appreciated and loved they are... how capable they are.

Guys, it's hard to rebuild self-image and genuine self-awareness, it really is. I've struggled with it, and I know I'm not the only one. I have friends who I looked up to and admired for their leadership abilities and for being what I thought was a born leader (something I knew I wasn't), only to realise later on that they were only doing what they had to do. They saw a need and they stepped up to the plate to meet it. That's it.

I'll  finish these thoughts in another blog post later on (don't want to overload you guys). :)


  1. Mmm, a very interesting read. I've always been referred to as a "natural-born", but yet I can still relate to some of these things. So really, the different levels of leaders are not entirely unalike whatsoever, if only in their disposition toward how they feel leading. I feel at home when I am leading. Others simply do not. It does not mean they are not good at it. Anyhow, a thought provoking read! Great as always Elisabeth!

    1. It's interesting learning things from other perspectives... I've never known how "born-leaders" feel about leading. Does it feel like an obligation or a privilege? Is it enjoyable or does it feel like a chore after awhile? (just things I've wondered before) :)

      Thank you for commenting and reading! :D