Friday, June 17, 2016

You're Not (6/17/16)

For a very long time, I've always thought that for some reason I wasn't up-to-par like everyone else. Even as I watched people make mistakes, I thought to myself, "Well, they still did it better than I would have."

Even as I saw them planning, I would think of a mistake that might occur, but I would be too uncertain of my own abilities and too sure of theirs to mention it; when it did occur, I would still make the assumption that I would have failed worse had I been in charge.

I've always been so terrified of failing so futilely and proving to others what I assumed they already thought: that I am incompetent and unable to do what they could have done so easily.

I would ask myself, "Why is it that anyone else can make a mistake and I think it's fine, but if I make the same mistake, I punish myself for trying?"

"Why can't I do jobs right?"
 
"Why don't I try harder?"

"Why can't I do what others do without failing every time in my own eyes?"



" Why am I so different? Why am I a failure, God?"

As I cried out in complete despair, burying my face in one hand in my shame and reaching out the other in desperation to the skies, the softest of whispers caressed me and covered me in love as it was spoken in my ear.

"You're Not."

And as those two words were spoken to me by an instrument used by God, my heavy heart began to heal.

7 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You're Not. Never were. Never are. And never will be. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Think of all the things that you are! Beautiful, fun, kind, encouraging,... the list goes on. There is a song I like that says "All the might haves and could haves and should have beens are nothing but distressing. So when you're down and out go on and count your blessings!"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! You are so nice, and I've been trying to more. :)

      Delete