Sunday, June 5, 2016

Why Not? (6/5/16)

Lately it's been brought to my attention more than ever that my confidence and sense of capability is sadly lacking. I've never been the most confident or secure of people, but I've never realized quite how much I tear myself down. 

And it's not usually the kind of beating myself up where I bang my head into the wall and long to scream at myself, "What's wrong with you? Why can't you do anything right?"

It's normally so subtle, so passive-aggressive, that I hardly notice what I'm doing. 

"Well, you don't have as much experience with this as some of the other people here, so you probably shouldn't try."

"See? That wasn't a good idea; they already knew how to do it without your help, and they seemed annoyed when you mentioned the easy solution. You probably shouldn't try to help with that kind of thing again."

"You're not a good leader; you're good at some things, but that's not one of them. You're not really that capable, and you should get better at it before you try with other people."

"Why do you think you could be in charge of something? Everyone else has more experience and talent than you do in this area (and in most), so why volunteer? I know you want to help, but sometimes trying to help ends up in failure and more of a hindrance than a blessing. Please, don't try that again."

"Yes, I know, you say that failure is simple proof that you tried and that at least you can learn from your mistakes, but what if your failures affect other people? What if you're not the only one who will be changed by this? If there are other people involved, just don't. Don't try."

And now the cogs and wheels in my brain are turning...

Why not?
 
Are those reasons really valid?

Or did I simply come up with them as a cowardly way to hide behind my fears and insecurities?

Could I - can I - really do this? Can I become like the leaders I so admire and be a person who is no longer terrified of their own (usually imagined) incapability? Can I be someone who is fearless and selfless and brave, and is willing to do anything for the good of others and for the glory of God? Can I learn how to be the kind of young person who is looked up to by their elders for their kindness and wisdom, self-discipline and honesty, for their ability to lead and lead well?


Why not? 


I shall flip around two small words at the beginning of each sentence in the above paragraph.

I can become like the leaders I so admire and be a person who is no longer terrified of their own (usually imagined) incapability. I can be someone who is fearless and selfless and brave, and is willing to do anything for the good of others and for the glory of God. I can learn how to be the kind of young person who is looked up to by their elders for their kindness and wisdom, self-discipline and honesty, for their ability to lead and lead well.

They are no longer the questions I've asked myself for so long. They are statements full of hope for my future.

Will I accept that I am a Child of God, and in Him I can do anything? Will I accept that I have more power and capability than I can imagine?

Why not?

6 comments:

  1. (Tanner:) The Lord has beautiful plans for your beautiful soul, Elisabeth. And He'll use your gifts, both discovered and undiscovered, in ways you couldn't possibly imagine. :)

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    1. Thank you. My prayer is that no matter how unlovely I might feel at the present moment, that I may remember His promises and how He sees me. That He knows better than I and that I needn't worry about my future anymore. :)

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  2. You got this, Elisabeth! You are amazingly talented and will go far! :)
    "I do not think I am ready." -Caspian
    "It is for that very reason I know that you are." -Aslan

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    1. Thank you! I will reply in turn... XD

      I HAVE CONFIDENCE IN SUNSHINE!
      I HAVE CONFIDENCE IN RAIN!

      I HAVE CONFIDENCE IN ME!!!

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  3. Hey! It's that girl that sometimes comments on Tanner's posts on G+. Though I may not know you personally, I am very glad Google Plus reccomended this page to me because every word you said was true. While I can't relate to the struggles you have personally, I can connect them to my own struggles (Which mainly revolve around my social connections) and your optimistic view while also bringing God into play is refreshing, for lack of a better word. You're going places with this outlook, girl. Stay amazing. -Hannah

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    1. Thank you so much! It's taken me a really, really long time to let go of my insecurities and despair and to rely on God for my strength and let Him work through me; I'm sure I'll still struggle with these things, because not all problems vanish immediately, but I wear a confidence I've never felt before and it's so refreshing! :)
      So are you a friend of Tanner's, as well? :)

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