Monday, May 9, 2016

My Very Heart (5/9/16)

Yes, I know; the Academy of Arts post is on it's way, I promise. But while I am still working on it and trying to find some pictures for it, I thought I would post this tidbit I wrote today, just to try and appease you for a little bit longer while I try to finish up the Academy post. :)

Psalm 126 JoyWhen people ask the select of this universe who have known me what I was like and who I was, I sometimes wonder what they would say. Well, actually I wonder whether it happens at all. But if it did, what would their response be? Would they chuckle and shake their heads at the scrapes I used to get into, or would they smile a soft little smile and say of me, “She was… someone who tried. She tried and tried over and over to be the person she felt she ought to be, only to fall again and get back up to try one more futile time.”

Or would they say, “She was a dreamer. Too unrealistic and impractical to ever complete anything that was required and mandatory, and too fleeting to finish many of things she actually wanted to accomplish.”?

Possibly, “She was insecure, but she desperately wanted to please people without compromising her morals and virtues. She was generous (perhaps too much so at times) with her heart, and had to feel the pain of it being broken when others were as careless with it as she was.”

“Watching her was like watching a toddler; she didn’t seem like she was quite used to the world yet. Always tripping over things and falling on her face because she didn’t realize they were there and her feet were going to fast for the rest of her to catch up.”

“It was like she didn’t have the sense that most people have of how to act in public. Separate circles flustered her and society confused her. She always managed to say the wrong thing at the wrong time, leading others who didn’t know her as well to think she was a much stranger person than she really was.”

“The stories she came up with astonished us and thoroughly convinced us of her insanity. She was so quiet, but when she sent us her poems and short stories, we realized she had the roar of a lion that was compressed into her soft laughter. To be frank, it was one of the only things about her that absolutely terrified us.”

“She was never the one that came up with the clever jokes, but always the one that laughed when others did. She was never the one who took charge and led the team to victory, but she always encouraged and lifted up the one who did. She always tried to take responsibility for her wrongs, but hated taking responsibility for the things she did right and instead lifted up someone else and gladly gave them the credit and acclaim.”

“Everyone agreed that logic was a concept completely foreign to her. The emotions of other people and how it would affect them was always the first thought in her mind.”

“There was something so normal about her; there was no extraordinary intelligence, no abnormal talent, nothing sensational about her… but she loved everyone, and so very deeply, even when they could not tell. She fell a little bit in love with almost everyone she came in contact, and the very few she didn’t was because she could see that they were being fake with her and everyone else. She couldn’t stand seeing them praise her friends in public and hiss at them in private. So even that one fault that she had of holding a grudge was not for her own. It was for others.”

(The picture is a print done by my friend, Mrs. Yoder. You can check out her Etsy shop here.)


  1. How about "she is absolutely amazing, beautiful, witty, an unbelievably talented, writer. I have never had a friend who I felt genuinely cared so much about me, and I don't know what I'd do without her." :)

    1. Oh my gosh, that was so sweet!!! I could say all of that about you and it would ring even truer! ;D

  2. Mrs. Jessie the GreatMay 16, 2016 at 11:41 AM

    Just kidding! Take your time, I'm sure you won't disappoint us. No pressure!
    By the way, I love the pic from Mrs. Yoder!

  3. Is this a heart felt reflection...