There have been so many times I wanted to hug you close. So many times I wish I had said "I love you" just one more time, so you would be in no doubt of that fact. So many days when I wish I could have been there when you were in pain or sadness. So many moments when happiness seemed just out of reach and so many seconds where we waited for laughter to erupt. Because we knew it would. Eventually. It would come. In reality, there were more giggly times than there were down-in-the-dulldrums. There were more smiles than frowns. There were more happy days outside than there were sad days in the rain.
But when the tears came, I always wanted to be there for you. I always tried to be there for you. And sometimes I succeeded. Like when you were scared of the thunder and lightening and rain. The darkness of night didn't really help, either. I picked you up and carried you to my room, where we talked about how God will protect us, even when we're scared. I said we'd get hurt if we got hit by lightening and you exclaimed proudly that Daddy could be hit by lightening with no harm done. You've always been so sweet and your innocence is something I can only dream of getting back again.
I remember clearly going to the zoo and piggy-backing you to see all the animals. You were so excited to see Kaa and Shere-Kan in real life. You even asked Shere-Kan if he had gotten Mowgli, which made us all laugh.
I remember going to visit old friends and jumping on the trampoline with you. We blew bubbles and played Dead Man Rise and later on, we went to a drive-in theater for the first time. You were sitting with Mom somewhere else, and in the end of the film there was nothing I wanted more than a friend. Someone who wouldn't ask questions, just listen. And that's exactly what you do. And sometimes the tears weren't always shared. Sometimes the tears were hidden from little eyes.
There have been so many times when I've missed you. A lot. There was nothing I wanted more than to see you again and wrap you up in one ginormous hug. Sometimes the tears weren't always shared. Sometimes the tears were hidden from little eyes.
There have been so many times when I've cried for you and with you. It hurt so much to see you hurting so much. Sometimes the tears won't even come; just a dull ache that settles down like a heavy blanket deep inside.
Right now, that's what is happening. I know that this too will pass, but it hurts so much to see you in any pain. I just want you to always know, I'm here for you and I love you with my whole heart.
And I always will.